Baby
sex – love it or hate it, many of us have done it. Over the last 11 years
treating couples trying to conceive, I’ve come to the conclusion that baby sex
doesn’t work.
Why?
We
spend our late teens, early 20’s doing everything within our power not to
become pregnant. Early 30’s come along, we fall in love, find “the one” (or
thereabouts), we decide to go un-protected. At first it’s exhilarating,
liberating, we feel like naughty teenagers. That’s the first few months. Job done,
delighted, we start looking out for signs of early pregnancy, that we googled. Yes
we have tender breasts, nipples have changed colour (maybe).Then our good friend
period arrives, just a day late.
Little
do we know that a healthy 30 year old trying to conceive only has a 20% chance
of conceiving each month. But we think it’s going to work right away – sure
look at Mary in accounts, 4th baby on the way, she says she only has
to look at her man, and boom, another baby comes along.
All
of a sudden making love becomes staged, forced and sometimes painful. Here’s the
thing, a woman’s monthly cycle is pretty amazing, but sometime ago many of us
lost the ability to listen to it.
Day
1-5 generally for most women is menstruation, after this every woman’s cycle
varies. We reach for the ovulation sticks to show us a smiley face, instead of
listening to our bodies, watching for our body to tell us when it’s fertile.
For example our cervical mucus changes, becoming clear, our sex drive
increases, but putting a stick with a flashing smiley face in front of your
partner, chances are he may do two things, run a mile, or fail to perform.
David
shares his story …
“ My
wife and I got married young, we bought a house, and 5 years later we decided
to try for a family. Both of us come from fairly large families. The first 6
months were great, but I saw a different look start to appear in Helens eyes.
She began to scare me coming up to mid-cycle. I dreaded the text at work
telling me her stick said she was at her most fertile. And even if I was
exhausted after a particularly busy day at work, I was expected to be in the
mood, as soon as I stepped through the front door. It killed it for me I began
to have erectile problems, which really worried me. Helen would be a very
caring person, but this she didn’t take well, and got more and more frustrated
with me. We began to row, especially leading up to mid cycle. When her period
came, Helen wouldn’t talk to me to a few days.
Helens
friend told her about Katie at The Clonmel Acupuncture Centre, so we met Katie
for a consultation. She recommended that we got basic blood tests done, all
came back ok. She asked Helen to get rid of the temperature charts, and ovulation
kits, and diary for a few months. And explained that we needed to go back to
basics, having sex only when both of us wanted, for both of us to exercise, to
make sure Helen had orgasms again, to go and have great sex, and re discover
each other.
It
felt strange at first then one night Helen broke down she said she just wanted
me. I believe my wife let go of something, not sure what but our son Jack was
born 10 months later.”
See here’s
the thing that I see time and time again. When we don’t get pregnant – fear
creep’s its ugly head in, fear is the enemy, as is frustration. I believe the
way we have sex as a couple has a huge impact on the result.
Baby
sex – normally “performed” after the couple have come back from work all day.
Its quick, forced, and 9 times out of 10 the woman doesn’t climax, we lose the
love. Many women report back to me that they begin to dread mid cycle sex,
because there’s a feeling of complete anxiety that they don’t miss the right
days, hours.
So
what’s the answer?
There
is no simple answer. I believe that once you start “trying” for a baby, you can
never fully stop. But what you can do is alter your approach.
My
Fertile Body’s 8 steps to becoming parents look at all these factors. Our
Create A Bump On-line course will help couples to relax and enjoy having a
baby. My Fertile Body will help couples get their bodies ready on every level whilst
keeping their minds relaxed and strong as a partnership. We will show couples
how positive diet changes as well as self-acupressure points will considerably
increase their chances of having a healthy baby.
Katie Murphy Lic Ac MTCMCI
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